So what do you think? Why do men cheat?
First of all, let’s make it clear that women are not the only ones who get cheated on. If your man cheats, he is cheating; no matter his reasons or excuses.
That said, there are many things that lead up to this outcome. If you’re wondering why men cheat and how to prevent an outcome like this in your own relationship, then I am happy to inform you that there are ways to manage any red flags that might be present early on in a relationship that can stem into more devastating effects later down the line.
A lot of times, when we find out our partner have been unfaithful; it’s easy for us to immediately feel insecure about everything. We begin to question our own looks, relationships, and sex appeal. You might even start questioning your relationship entirely wondering what you did wrong or how you could have prevented this outcome. But is this helpful?
Did they cheat because of something YOU did? Absolutely not! People cheat for their own reasons; it’s important to remember that the way in which we conduct relationships has nothing to do with why men cheat.
So if someone cheated on us because of who we are as a person, then why would anything about us change now that we’re aware it happened? The answer is simple; nothing changes except for our perspective on relationships in general. Below are 12 potential reasons men (and women) tend to cheat and what you can do to prevent this from happening in your own relationships.
1. Out of fear of commitment:
Though it’s a romantic notion, relationships take a lot of work and effort. Sometimes it feels like relationships are the only things that require hard-work in our lives these days! Some people might get into relationships because they’re “supposed” to be together or they want to end up with someone special, but lack the courage to actually go through with committing themselves wholly and unconditionally. In this way, people will often seek out affairs outside of their relationships in order for them to fulfill something lacking in their current partnership. Maybe they lack passion and excitement; maybe they feel unheard and unappreciated; or maybe they just really want to have sex with someone else.
This is one of the harder red flags to manage in relationships because it’s usually not something that shows up right away, but rather later down the line. Sometimes people keep their relationships hidden from friends and family because they’re afraid if people knew about them, then they would demand for commitment before things were ready. This is a hard situation because no one has control over when or how relationships are introduced into our lives–they just happen. So, if you feel uncertain about your relationship early on in your courtship process, then take note! If this becomes a trend, don’t be afraid to speak up and talk about where you see yourselves heading together; especially if you feel like you’re being strung along.
2. Out of fear of being alone:
This one can be a tough pill to swallow when you think about it in the context of relationships, but people often cheat out of fear. Fear that they won’t find someone who is interested in them, fear that no one will love them enough, and so on and so forth. And while it’s important to have standards for what we want in relationships or what we need from our partners in order to feel loved and supported, sometimes people cheat because they don’t know how else to express their needs in relationships other than by going outside their current one to get what they want from another person. If this sounds eerily familiar to something you’ve done or thought about doing, we highly recommend talking with a therapist or counsellor who can help you work out these feelings and figure out what makes relationships and love so difficult for you.
As we mentioned before, sometimes people become less interested in relationships as time goes on simply because they start to feel suffocated by the rules of relationships (i.e., monogamy). So if you find that you’re losing interest in your relationship over time, then it might be helpful to take some time apart from one another. Of course, this doesn’t mean break up right away; maybe book a weekend trip alone and see how things go when no one’s around to keep track of what either of you is doing; see what happens when you get to do things without the other person’s input.
3. In order to feel adored:
In relationships, it shouldn’t be a one-way street in terms of who is giving and receiving affection from each partner. When relationships become imbalanced in this way, people often cheat when they feel like they aren’t getting enough “love” from their partners in comparison to what they’re giving them in return–and that’s not fair to anyone involved. So if you find yourself cheating because your partner never wants or makes time for sex anymore, then perhaps it might be helpful for you both to consider seeing a counsellor together so that you can work through this issue instead of trying to solve it on your own by.
4. In order to feel needed:
While relationships are about supporting and loving one another unconditionally, sometimes relationships can lose their luster when people don’t feel like they’re good for anything more than someone to go home to at the end of the night or on weekends. When relationships lose this dynamic, often people cheat in order to fill the voids that relationships are supposed to give them instead of just accepting relationships for all of their flaws.
5. Because he or she wants different things than you do:
If one person isn’t interested in marriage or kids, then it’s likely that one of these two people will end up cheating as a result. It sounds crazy, but it happens more often than you might think.
6. Because your relationship doesn’t feel equal:
Many relationships lose their spark because one person cares about the other person more or has a lot of expectations for what they will get out of the relationship compared to what they’re putting into it (i.e., relationships often become one-sided). If you find that relationships are becoming unequal, then take a step back and see if you can figure out what the underlying issue is here. Also, consider seeing a therapist or counsellor so that you can have someone to help you work through your feelings instead of trying to cope with them on your own.
7. In order to feel desired:
Sometimes relationships become stale because people start to take their partners for granted. So if you find that you’re not finding your relationships as fulfilling anymore, then it might be helpful to do something nice for your partner that they wouldn’t expect or plan a surprise date night at home–even if that means getting dinner on the table or vacuuming the living room. You might be surprised at how much relationships can come back from little gestures like these because relationships are all about making each other feel special and supported.
8. In order to prove their attractiveness:
At some point, everyone wants to feel attractive and wanted by others–and relationships can sometimes take a back seat when relationships don’t fulfill this need. So if you feel like your relationship is lacking in this department, then it might be helpful to have an honest talk with your partner about how that makes you feel and what they can do in order to help you feel both attractive and wanted in the relationship again–or even just rent a movie together and have a night in that consists dedicated to making each other feel wanted and attractive, even if sex isn’t involved.
9. In order to feel powerful:
While relationships are about being supportive of one another, they can also lose their luster when people start to feel powerless in relationships because they aren’t treated as they deserve. So if you find that relationships aren’t as fulfilling as they used to be, then it might be helpful to take a step back and figure out what the underlying issue is here. Is your partner not giving you enough attention? Are you not getting enough support? Whatever it may be, relationships are all about compromise–so ask yourself if you’re being too controlling or too demanding in relationships and if this is the underlying issue that’s preventing relationships from being fulfilling.
10. In order to feel a sense of excitement:
There is a reason so many movies show relationships deteriorating after people get married–because relationships aren’t always going to be exciting all of the time, and that’s okay. However, relationships can become dull when relationships don’t have enough excitement in them anymore.
11. In order to feel a greater level of intimacy:
Many relationships lose their spark because people start feeling more distant from one another and relationships become more about going through the motions than making each other feel special. If you feel like relationships have become this way, then it might be helpful to see a couples counsellor to help you reestablish intimacy in your relationships again.
12. In order to feel less nervous:
Relationships can also lose their luster when people start becoming nervous in relationships because they don’t know how to handle certain situations or they never know what to expect. If you find that relationships are making you nervous, then it might be helpful to take a step back and figure out exactly why this is–and whether there’s something your partner can do in order to make relationships less nervewracking for you again.