Will I ever find love? 18 things to remember when you feel lonely.
College is a place for parties, classes, studying, and finding your soulmate. Well, that’s what I thought, at least. However, I’ve been in college for three years now, and after each relationship breaks up, I always wonder if it will ever happen to me. Everyone before me has met someone around here or in their hometown, but not me. Will it really be this way for the rest of my life?
Am I so different from everyone else that there isn’t anyone out there for me? Obviously, issues regarding loneliness are often brought upon by relationship-related problems…but sometimes they are just because you don’t have one. Here are some ideas on how to handle the feelings that come with being lonely:
1. Remind yourself that you’re not alone…
Loneliness is a feeling that plagues people all over the world, especially those just coming out of a relationship or those who have always been single. In college it can be even more difficult as everyone else seems to have someone because they are out meeting new people every day by going to parties and bars, but if you don’t go to those types of places…you likely won’t meet anyone . Don’t fret though! The truth is, everyone feels like this at certain points in their lives and no one gets through life without experiencing periods of loneliness (even if they’re married). Even though we feel like we’re the only person on earth who feels like this, we’re not. Everyone has been there…
2. but also know that it passes.
Loneliness can feel never-ending at times, but it really does go away eventually, if you let it . The best thing to do is just ride out the wave of loneliness and soon enough a relationship will come your way – just be patient! Even if a relationship doesn’t appear right in front of you, being open with others about what you are going through helps tremendously. Remember though, don’t force things if they aren’t happening right away because you’ll find yourself feeling more alone than ever when things never eventuate with anyone else. Also don’t forget…
3. There’s nothing wrong with being single.
It’s easy to get caught up in the relationship hype because it’s all around you. I mean, everyone has a relationship story to tell right? You can’t even watch TV without seeing something related to it. However you need to remember that being single isn’t such a bad thing and most people who are single don’t hate it (despite what they say) . There is no rule that states that at a certain age or point in your life you must be in a relationship and if you’re not, there is nothing wrong with that! Of course relationships are wonderful things but sometimes we forget why we enjoy them so much: lots of sex and companionship. That means you can still have plenty of fun solo too…
4…and it’s a great time to ‘practice’.
Being single is an excellent time to learn more about yourself and what you like in relationships . You can hang out with different people, who all have their own relationship styles, and see how well certain things work for your relationship preferences. I love this aspect of being single because it lets me be 100% myself with no one else attached to the relationship that could potentially change my mind!
5. Keep busy!
One of the best ways to forget about loneliness is just keeping really busy . Make plans with friends – even if they’re just casual coffee catch-ups – so you always have something fun planned each week. If you keep busy enough (with classes, work, or other things), you probably won’t even have time to dwell on how lonely you feel. Especially if meeting people isn’t your strong point, keeping busy will stop that feeling from creeping in too much because – just like when you were single and had relationship stress – the only person who can fix it is yourself.
6. Remember all of the relationship ‘tasks’ will still be there for you to do!
The tasks associated with relationships aren’t just limited to your partner. When we are in relationships we think about things like what they’ll be doing at night (because they’re not home) or where they’re going (and if I should go with them). However these relationship issues don’t end simply because you’ve broken up ! They tend to linger on in your mind so you’ll still be thinking about them when you’re single. Although if they do disappear, it could be because there was something wrong with your relationship…
7 …but so will relationship stress!
The relationship stress comes hand in hand with the relationship tasks… but unfortunately there’s no escaping it . The relationship stress won’t just go away because you’re not officially in one anymore – well, for most people anyway. While some may completely forget about relationship issues once they are single again, others may find that they suddenly have more relationship problems than ever before. This is why it’s important to really sit down and examine what wasn’t working within the relationship to determine whether or not you were happy before parting ways. If you weren’t happy, you definitely don’t want to be going back for seconds…
8. Dates can be fun!
I know when your relationship is over, all of the relationship-related things become a bit blasé, but when you go on dates with someone new, it’s actually really exciting! Because I’ve been out of the relationship game for so long, every date or hangout feels like my very first one… even if I’m not putting in much effort (which is rare). It’s kind of like dating again for the first time, and while it sounds cheesy (and sometimes is), it’s actually pretty awesome too.
9. Get yourself into good relationship habits by doing relationship tasks!
When we are in relationships, our relationship habits are reinforced. These relationship habits make us more relationship-savvy and better at being relationship people (especially if we were sh*tty relationship people before). So even if you’re not officially in a relationship, keep up with your relationship tasks to ensure that you will be able to enter into future relationships with the best foot forward!
10. Singles nights rock!
Singles’ night sound like something reserved for those who are single, but they’re actually great! The great thing about singles’ nights is that it’s basically date night – without the commitment of giving someone your whole heart again. I love attending singles’ night because it feels like I’m out on a first date… even though I’ve probably already been on dozens of first dates before. It’s like my relationship is renewed again with potential relationship people (and not available relationship people). And for those who are relationship-savvy, singles’ nights are the perfect way to be out there and visible without having to put yourself in ‘relationship-limbo’.
11. You may find that you actually enjoy being single!
I know it sounds shocking, but some people actually really enjoy being single. At first, I thought this was utterly ridiculous because – as most relationship people would agree – it sucks to be single… right? But if someone truly enjoys being single, it could be because they haven’t found anyone special, or they feel greater confidence in themselves than when they were in their relationship. Being single could also be a sign of maturity because relationship people often feel ‘finished’ with relationships once they are single again… but the relationship-savvy know that this isn’t true.
12. You won’t have to break up with anyone!
Breaking up sucks – no matter which side you are on, it still doesn’t make it any less sucky. It’s even worse when you’re doing all of the related tasks and suddenly realize that things aren’t working out. When you’re in a relationship, you’ll usually end up breaking up with your partner or vice versa at some point… even if you decide to give it another shot. However, when you’re single again, there is absolutely no reason for heartache! Relationship people will always be relationship people, but relationship-savvy singles know that breaking up is a related task for both relationship people and singles.
13. You can do relationship tasks on your own!
Since you’re not in a relationship anymore, you won’t have to worry about compromising or feeling uncomfortable about specific relationship tasks. This means that you can do all of the related functions independently without having to discuss them with someone else – even if they make you feel icky. For example, organizing a joint bank account or signing a joint lease may be something that you two were supposed to handle together… but since you aren’t together anymore, it’s entirely up to you whether those things get done or not.
14. Being single is just as good as being in a relationship
Just because you don’t have a relationship doesn’t mean that you’re not relationship-savvy. In fact, being single is just as relationship-savvy as being in a relationship because once it comes to relationship tasks, both singles and relationship people do them! Relationship people may think that they are superior to singles when it comes to relationships, but this couldn’t be further from the truth… because relationship people usually suck at relationships compared to relationship-savvy singles. However, I suppose that if you were really relationship-savvy, then you probably wouldn’t have ended up in your unfulfilling relationship anyway!
15. You can learn how to love yourself before loving someone else!
A lot of us keep trying relationship after relationship because we think that love will eventually come to us… but relationship people usually suck at relationships, which means that they won’t be able to teach you how to find love. On the other hand, relationship-savvy singles know that falling in love with yourself first is one of the greatest relationship tasks for both relationship people and singles. When you know how good it feels to be single, falling in love with someone else becomes easier than ever.
16. You can fall in love without any relationship drama!
Every relationship has some kind of relationship drama – even if it’s just small stuff like forgetting the milk on your date night or using all of the hot water when he wanted a shower before work (okay, maybe not that small). Relationship drama is never fun, but relationship-savvy singles are relationship drama pros who have had enough relationship experience to know how to deal with relationship drama throughout their life. The great thing about being relationship-savvy is that you won’t have to worry about relationship drama ever again… because relationship people actually suck at relationships!
17. You don’t have to deal with your partner’s contradictions anymore!
Relationship people are notorious for generating a slew of relationship problems, despite the fact that they may adore each other very much. However, relationship-savvy singles always remember what one of my mentors told me: ‘relationships create relationship problems’. The truth is that it doesn’t matter whether you are single or in a relationship – relationship conflicts will always be relationship conflicts. In other words, relationship-savvy singles can finally deal with relationship problems without having to put up with relationship contradictions.
18. You’ll have so much time for yourself!
You’ve probably heard a relationship person complain about all of the free time that they have after a breakup, but relationship-savvy singles understand how good it is not to have a relationship because you’ll have time for yourself again. Instead of wasting your life on someone else’s schedule, being single gives you the freedom to live the rest of your life on your own terms – just like relationship people do when they’re in a relationship! In fact, most relationship people only get one-third of their needs met while in their unfulfilling relationship.
The bottom line is that singles are relationship-savvy people who know how to handle relationship tasks throughout their life – which means they won’t have to deal with relationship problems anymore! Instead, singles will have the free time that relationship people complain about after a breakup.’
On the other hand, relationship people usually suck at relationships so they’ll just create relationship conflicts and relationship drama wherever they go! Singles can finally be finished with all of this relationship nonsense once and for all… which is why being single rocks!
I hope you enjoyed reading these 18 things to remember when you feel lonely as much as I enjoyed writing them. If you did enjoy it then please help me share this article on social media. Now, if you want to learn how to attract your new boyfriend and make him fall in love with you, click here.