There are a few mistakes that can kill a relationship. Some relationship mistakes can be worse than others and even result in a breakup .
Some relationship mistakes can destroy trust and create depression and pain for both partners.
These relationship mistakes start to accumulate over time, like the little cuts you get from shaving your legs that never heals. Eventually, they will become deep enough to cause permanent damage if not dealt with properly. So what are the relationship mistakes that kill a relationship? Here is a list of 11 relationship mistakes that should be avoided as much as possible:
1. Not communicating important relationship issues
One of the vital ingredients for every successful relationship is open communication. Open communication means no secrets, no hiding things from your partner, and always telling each other how you truly feel or what you need.
Some people will say that relationship issues should only be talked about in private, but this creates relationship problems, especially when one partner feels like they can’t voice their feelings without backlash from the other partner.
Sometimes it’s best to air the relationship problem out in the open so both partners can benefit from input and advice on how to deal with it.
Open communication is vital for every relationship. Do everything you can to get rid of any relationship problems that might be causing relationship tension or a potential relationship breakup.
Not communicating relationship issues can destroy any relationship.
2. Using sex as a weapon
This relationship mistake is more common than you think, especially for relationships where there are power struggles between the two partners. This mistake usually happens when one partner uses sex to gain control of their relationship with the other partner by withholding it or using it as an emotional reward system.
For example, if your significant other wants to go out after work on Friday night but say they want to relax at home first, this is fine.
What isn’t fine is if they make plans without you knowing about it and demand that you have to stay at home because they “want to relax” with you on Friday night.
This leads to the issue where if you don’t do what your significant other wants, they withhold sex to “punish” you for not doing what they want. This relationship mistake can cause relationship problems, so avoid using sex as a weapon when dealing with relationship issues.
3. Taking the other for granted
This relationship mistake is one of the most significant relationship killers there is. It’s even bigger than cheating in some cases.
If you take your partner for granted, it’s only a matter of time before resentment starts to build up within the both of you and seriously damage your relationship.
Instead of taking each other for granted, express your appreciation often and try to give back any gesture that was done for you by your significant other.
Good relationship partners treat each other with kindness and respect.
Taking your relationship for granted is a relationship mistake that kills a relationship and should be avoided as much as possible.
4. Excessive criticism
Criticizing one another is fine to an extent, but you should never cross the line into excessive criticism. This relationship mistake can destroy any relationship over time. If you criticize your significant other all the time or show them no appreciation, they will begin to feel like they cannot win in your relationship. If they do something nice for you, then it was expected and nothing special. But if they do something wrong (like not doing the dishes), then it’s a big problem and leads down a road where your relationship becomes strained.
If you do not want to be in a relationship that is filled with constant criticism or even one that ends because of it, then avoid excessive relationship criticism by only criticizing the negative behaviour and not your significant other as a person.
5. Disrespecting each other
Disrespecting each other is another relationship mistake that can destroy any relationship quickly and easily. Especially, if this relationship mistake occurs over time and is combined with the previous relationship mistakes on this list.
You should never disrespect your partner because disrespect breeds resentment; resentful partners do not trust their relationship, and distrust destroys relationships.
You might think that calling your significant other names like “idiot” or “jerk” is no big deal. But, believe it or not, studies have actually proved that relationship-killing insults do exist, and they can take a huge toll on your relationship.
In a relationship, saying things that you don’t mean isn’t just harmful to the relationship itself — it’s also dangerous to the emotional well being of both partners. The truth is, when you say insulting words to someone who’s close to you, whether they’re an intimate partner or a best friend, those words will always sting in some way.
But even though little things like name-calling can seem relatively harmless at first glance, insulting language has been proven time and time again to be very destructive in relationships.
So if you want the relationship you’re in to be romantic or to last, it’s important to avoid relationship mistakes like these.
6) Putting down your partner.
Name-calling and other forms of emotional abuse are relationship killers for obvious reasons. They make the other person feel bad about themselves. But even saying things that might seem small or harmless out loud could be detrimental to your relationship. For example, constantly making fun of little quirks that you think are “cute” may not seem like a big deal at first — however, if you keep doing it over and over again, it can quickly become very hurtful.
7) Pretending you don’t care about something.
Start practising authenticity in your relationship and be open and honest with each other, even if it means you might get hurt. No relationship is perfect, and there will always be things about your relationship that you find challenging. Never let those challenges build up inside of you to the point where they explode in a fit of anger or tears.
If something is bothering you, instead of acting like it doesn’t matter, address it with your partner in a respectful way (don’t call them names).
8) Flirting (or cheating) with someone else when you’re in a relationship
If anyone reading this has ever been cheated on, then they know how much it hurts. And while most people probably wouldn’t admit it, human beings are actually naturally wired to cheat. Some people may say that they’re just “experimenting”, but there’s really no such thing as “just experimenting.” At the end of the day, if you have an urge to kiss or have sex with someone else, it has nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with you. So if you feel tempted in any way, remember relationship mistake number three — cheating never ends well for anyone involved.
9) Trying to control your partner.
If you think that trying to control who your partner hangs out with or where they go is going to somehow make them like you more, then guess what? It won’t work. Everyone deserves their own life outside of their relationship (whether they’re dating, friends with benefits or married). So, relationship mistakes like trying to control your partner are relationship killers because they only end up pushing that person away.
10) Telling someone that you’ll do something and then not following through .
If you tell your significant other that you’re going to help them move on Saturday morning but then fail to show up, it sends a message loud and clear — I don’t care about you. Never break a promise. If you say you’re going to do something, always follow through!
11) Blowing off plans.
Whether it’s standing them up yet again or just constantly cancelling plans without offering any kind of explanation can also do damage to your relationship. If you want to keep a relationship going, show that person respect by being reliable and responsible.
12) Constantly comparing yourself or your relationship to other people’s relationships.
Sure, it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others — however, relationship mistake like this is especially detrimental in romantic relationships (especially if one of you is constantly “winning” and the other is constantly “losing”).
Everyone has different relationship goals and standards, so don’t put your relationship up against anyone else’s because you’ll most likely end up feeling inadequate.
13) Having unrealistic expectations for your partner.
If you’re always expecting something from someone but never giving anything in return. (i.e., expecting them to read your mind, always demanding a relationship status update or straight up expecting them to do everything), you’re going to ruin your relationship in no time. Everyone in a relationship should be a team instead of constantly competing against each other.
14) Not being able to handle criticism.
Just because you dated someone who initially seemed very sensitive doesn’t mean that they will never criticize you. In fact, if you think about it from their perspective, when is the best time for your partner to give you constructive criticism? After all, if they wait too long and don’t say anything at all — what kind of relationship are they really in? No one is perfect, sometimes it takes a lot of strength to be able to handle criticism from your partner.
15) Letting yourself get lazy with them.
Laziness, selfishness and neglect are relationship killers — so relationship mistakes. This issue is definitely something you want to avoid if you don’t want the relationship to end. So get off your butt, put down the phone, get rid of the video games and remember that no one is going anywhere — so it’s up to you to maintain a healthy relationship.
16) Holding back on your true self or interests because you’re afraid of scaring them away.
If someone truly loves you, they’ll love all of your weird quirks, hobbies and passions too. If you hide any part of “you” — relationship mistake number 16 has occurred. So, relationship mistakes like withholding your true self are relationship killers because they only end up pushing that person away.
17) Berating or shaming your partner into changing.
Not only is this relationship mistake likely to backfire (which means that the person you’re trying to change will do everything in their power to make sure they don’t change while you’re around), but it’s relationship mistake number 17 for a reason — it’s really mean!
You can’t expect someone else to change who they are just because you don’t like it. If you want something, then bring it yourself instead of blaming someone else for not being able to provide it.
18) Acting insecure or jealous when there’s no reason to be.
It’s relationship mistake number 18 because jealousy and insecurity are relationship killers that stem from a lack of self-confidence. Remember, if you don’t love yourself first — it’s going to be very hard for anyone else to fall in love with you either.
So, relationship mistakes like acting insecure or jealous need to go out the window ASAP! Seriously, it’s relationship mistake number 18, so stop making relationship mistakes and try to build up your own confidence instead of lashing out at your partner who never did anything wrong in the first place.
19) Letting them think they can treat you poorly and get away with it.
This relationship mistake is all about power dynamics. Which relationship mistake number 19 is pretty obvious when you think about why the dynamic in certain relationships are set up in this way (like with parents and their children). But, even if someone has treated you poorly in the past, that doesn’t mean they’re allowed to continue treating you poorly! If you’re not happy with how your partner is treating you, then relationship mistakes like letting them treat you poorly need to be stopped immediately. Not only does it impact both of your relationship in the present, but relationship mistakes like this have a way of getting worse if you don’t act quickly.
20) Keeping score .
Relationship mistake number eleven is all about how keeping score will only end up ruining everything. Some people keep track of relationship offences (which seems like relationship mistake number 20 because it’s almost like they’re obsessed with them). And while some relationship offences are more severe than others, relationship mistakes like keeping score will only make things worse for both partners. Like one person said: “Keeping score makes you an unfair partner.” So relationship mistake number 20 is definitely something to avoid!
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